Among the ups, the downs, the way, way ups, and the oh-no-do-we-need-to-break-up downs, it’s no secret that relationships are tough. But the sweet reward of being loved and getting to love someone in return is what inspires all of us to navigate these choppy waters. Sometimes, though, we need help figuring it out. We asked the Cut’s readers to anonymously share the best relationship advice they’ve ever received. Below, their pearls of wisdom.

Source: The Cut

It might be true that an argument here and a misunderstanding helps a relationship get stronger, if you have been getting into regular fights over trivial issues such as not answering the phone, leaving the TV?on, and the like, there’s time for a long and hard think.

Constant squabbles about things that mostly don’t matter can end up hurting a relationship.

Address your resentment
“There is a variety of reasons why couples end up fighting with each other often. Most common reason is some resentment that has been lingering in the past and there was no proper communication about that, and it ends up being discussed in a form of a petty fight,” says Dr Harsheen Arora.

Which is why it is important to communicate your hidden resentments and frustrations that you have towards your partner. When you communicate properly, explaining what upset or hurt you, more often than not, the partner will try to solve it.

Increased Work Pressure
“People vent out their work related frustrations on their partners, thinking that since they love them, they will understand their frustration,” says Dr Anil Sethi, a psychologist. That is a very irrational assumption to harbour. Your partner may be your safe place and even offer a welcoming space to express yourselves, they are not your punching bag. Ask for time to gather yourself or devise activities to chill out together.

Learn to say sorry
“One of the best ways to avoid any fight is to say sorry. Even if it’s not your mistake, and your partner is at fault, saying a sorry goes a long way to calm both of you down in a fight.”

“A person who accepts his mistake by saying sorry is a good human being, but a person who says sorry, even when it’s not their mistake is a better human being,” adds
Dr Sethi.

Don’t respond in anger
If one of the partners in a relationship is short-tempered, the other partner should try to avoid reacting in a similar way.

Even if it’s a small issue, the partner should be able to tackle that complaint in the most tactful of ways.

For example, consider saying ‘I know you care but I was upset when you did this’, instead of ‘You hurt me’.

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I am a 25-year-old woman and I have been in a relationship for the last three years. I want him to propose to me and take things even further. However, I first want to know if he is on the same page as I am. How should I go about it without making it shocking for him? – JK

JK, speaking of shocking, I’m writing this answer to you, on the occasion of Holi. And unfortunately, I’m stained with colour. Not because of Holi, but because my fountain pen has leaked all over my sleeve. Yes, I’m one of three people left in the world who still use fountain pens. The other two being Kim Jong Un and basketballer Kareem Abdul Jabbar. You asking him to propose to you is actually not him proposing you. In truth it’s you, proposing to him, to propose to you. Why not just send him a text, suggesting the proposal. Sign it with your initials J.K. If he reacts awkwardly, you can always just point of it’s a case of J.K. That is, just kidding. But after 3 years can’t you tell if he’s keen or not? These answers are generally pretty obvious. Now thanks to the ink, my shirt looks like the Delhi Capital teams uniform. Makes you wonder if it’s worth paying so much money to fancy fashion designers in the first place, JK!

I am a 34-year-old unmarried man. My family has been searching for a suitable alliance for me. However, nothing has worked out so far. I am planning on trying out a few dating applications to see if anything works out. Just in case, if it works, how should I present it to my parents? — UM

You can stage a play in a big auditorium, and have the gal of your choice play the lead role. And at the curtain call, she can introduce herself to your parents. By saying “I am UM’s chosen one, dear parents”! Or you can just share the link. Magadheesha the Sinhalese Saint of lesser virtue, once went hunting for a deer. However, he got distracted by a tapeworm. So caught up with the tapeworm was he, that during this time all the deer migrated. Hence today, Deer are hard to find in Sri Lanka, but tapeworms are available at all general provision stores, except on Sundays. UM, the morale of this story is when you get distracted by something else, you may lose the main thing. Your focus should not be your parents. It should be on finding your deer. Sorry, your female companion. Stop worrying about the tapeworm, and channelize all energies on the girl

I am a 26-year-old woman. I have been in a relationship for the last year but I am not really sure if I want to spend the rest of my life with him. How can I get that secure feeling and if it doesn’t work, how should I pass on the message to him in a subtle manner? — VC

VC, here’s a foolproof method, poke him in the ribs with your hardest fingers. (You could also use an implement like a comb or pen). If he gets angry and pulls your hair, or stamp on your feet, get rid of him. If he, instead, laughs and asks you to do it again, but this time with a harder implement like a hockey stick, or a cricket bat, he’s the one for you. No!!! VC, VC, VC. If you look forward to meeting him, if you think about him all the time, if you want to share all your thoughts and feelings, and if he’s comfortable around you, and by that I mean he’s happy to dig his nose in your presence, then you guys are good to go. I’m not a huge fan of this I rest of the life nonsense. Let’s get to know each other one day at a time. And by each other, I mean you and him. Not you or me. And definitely not him and me.

I am a 29-year-old man. I am getting married within the next two months. It is an arranged marriage and hence, I have not got much time to know my partner. Is there any way I can get to know more about her in less time? Please help. — GK

First the bad news. Arranged marriages cost the same as love marriages. Sometimes more. But never less. You still have to pay for the venue, the caterers, the entertainment, the flowers, the licenses, valet parking security, mother-in-law’s lengthy make-up etc. But yes 60 days is less time. Most couples only really understand each other after 40 years. And that’s generally when one discovers the other had a separate bank account on the sly. Or a family in another state. The obvious answer, is spend every waking hour together. But, GK, by now you should know, I hate the obvious. In fact, the biggest grouse heard by married couples, is how do I keep my marriage fresh? How do we keep it novel? Exciting? Why not try not knowing too much? It’s a bit of a lottery, but nothing ventured, nothing gained. No pre-judgements, just fresh news every day, going forward. Ultimately human beings always disappoint each other. So less knowledge, is a pretty positive gamble.

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